Shopping Leads to a Serious Meltdown.

Yesterday could have been better. Here's what happened...

I woke up super excited because Matt and I were off to shop the day away. We needed to run some errands and I needed some new springtime clothes, especially jeans. We started off by going to Anthrolpologie, which was our first mistake. UGH!!! Why, dear God, why do they have to be so stinking expensive? Seriously though. And if they're going to be so expensive I wish they would only have ugly stuff. I left empty handed. I made Matt promise me that one day I could shop there to my heart's content. Yes, I am sometimes mean, selfish, and materialistic. I know, I'm horrible. 

I was still smiling though, and I was ready to go somewhere I could actually purchase something. First I have to tell you I am refusing to spend over $50 on any jeans or pants until I have lost my goal weight. This is a hard thing to do because being a larger size and almost six feet tall, I tend to have to buy expensive jeans otherwise they are too short and never fit. It's been a problem my whole life.  Mistake number two; we went to Old Navy. This is wear I had my meltdown. I tried on like 7 different pairs of bottoms; boyfriend jeans, linen capris, bermuda shorts, you name it, I tried it. Not one pair in any size I tried fit right. In fact, they all looked HORRIBLE.

 My poor husband. He knows if I go into a dressing room with arms full of clothes and come out empty handed it's bad news. I saw the look of "Oh no, here we go" on his face when I walked out, but I was too overwhelmed to care. I stormed right past him and left the store, got into the car and started to cry. I then started my infamous meltdown speech about how when we met I was thin and he made me fat because he must hate me and wants me to be miserable. I know, I'm a rotten mess.  Matt told me how beautiful I was and how sorry he was that he did that to me. He never once told me how absolutely psycho I was and to get over myself. This is why I married him. He just loves me. Even when I'm crazy:) 

Later I went to Forever 21. The Sacramento store is small and extremely over-crowded and disorganized. I had a minor panic attack in the dressing room. I think I've mentioned before that I feel I'm too old to shop here, but their prices keep me coming back. Have I mentioned I'm prone to panic attacks? I hadn't eaten anything all day especially after the Old Navy incident so I had a bad headache. Also there was like twenty 15 year old girls screaming around me. I felt like the walls were caving in on me and I practically ran out of there, squeezing through crowds of teenagers as I went... I ended up at Macy's and everything was better. Good sales, adult clothes, friendly people and better fits. Ah, relief. I also went to Target and felt better there too. Target's clothes tend to be a little more "forgiving", at least in my experience. All in all, I ended up finding jeans:) Of course, afterwards I was in a much better mood. This is why it is better to go shopping with moms. They're used to their daughters acting like lunatics.... Also, they can go into the dressing room with you. Having a dressing room buddy is imperative for me.

 I spent nine hours shopping and only bought two pairs of shorts and one top. Matt didn't complain once. I realize that there are far worse things going on in this world than my self loathing and unfortunate shopping trips. I realize that whining because I think I'm fat is absurd when I have only been dieting for three weeks and have yet to join the gym. Of course, I apologized to my Matt and he acted like he didn't know what for. He has the patience of a saint. Honestly and truthfully (not just because I love him) I have never met anyone with more patience and kindness. I'm the luckiest woman alive. I hope he will always show me more grace than I deserve, and I hope God helps me give him the grace he deserves more than anything.  Even more I hope I become less crazy and more excepting of myself and, more importantly, a better wife. I'm guessing it takes more than one year of marriage to master it. :)