Sunday, April 11, 2010

Shopping Leads to a Serious Meltdown.

Yesterday could have been better. Here's what happened...
I woke up super excited because Matt and I were off to shop the day away. We needed to run some errands and I needed some new springtime clothes, especially jeans. We started off by going to Anthrolpologie, which was our first mistake. UGH!!! Why, dear God, why do they have to be so stinking expensive? Seriously though. And if they're going to be so expensive I wish they would only have ugly stuff. I left empty handed. I made Matt promise me that one day I could shop there to my heart's content. Yes, I am sometimes mean, selfish, and materialistic. I know, I'm horrible. 
I was still smiling though, and I was ready to go somewhere I could actually purchase something. First I have to tell you I am refusing to spend over $50 on any jeans or pants until I have lost my goal weight. This is a hard thing to do because being a larger size and almost six feet tall, I tend to have to buy expensive jeans otherwise they are too short and never fit. It's been a problem my whole life.  Mistake number two; we went to Old Navy. This is wear I had my meltdown. I tried on like 7 different pairs of bottoms; boyfriend jeans, linen capris, bermuda shorts, you name it, I tried it. Not one pair in any size I tried fit right. In fact, they all looked HORRIBLE.
 My poor husband. He knows if I go into a dressing room with arms full of clothes and come out empty handed it's bad news. I saw the look of "Oh no, here we go" on his face when I walked out, but I was too overwhelmed to care. I stormed right past him and left the store, got into the car and started to cry. I then started my infamous meltdown speech about how when we met I was thin and he made me fat because he must hate me and wants me to be miserable. I know, I'm a rotten mess.  Matt told me how beautiful I was and how sorry he was that he did that to me. He never once told me how absolutely psycho I was and to get over myself. This is why I married him. He just loves me. Even when I'm crazy:) 
Later I went to Forever 21. The Sacramento store is small and extremely over-crowded and disorganized. I had a minor panic attack in the dressing room. I think I've mentioned before that I feel I'm too old to shop here, but their prices keep me coming back. Have I mentioned I'm prone to panic attacks? I hadn't eaten anything all day especially after the Old Navy incident so I had a bad headache. Also there was like twenty 15 year old girls screaming around me. I felt like the walls were caving in on me and I practically ran out of there, squeezing through crowds of teenagers as I went... I ended up at Macy's and everything was better. Good sales, adult clothes, friendly people and better fits. Ah, relief. I also went to Target and felt better there too. Target's clothes tend to be a little more "forgiving", at least in my experience. All in all, I ended up finding jeans:) Of course, afterwards I was in a much better mood. This is why it is better to go shopping with moms. They're used to their daughters acting like lunatics.... Also, they can go into the dressing room with you. Having a dressing room buddy is imperative for me.
 I spent nine hours shopping and only bought two pairs of shorts and one top. Matt didn't complain once. I realize that there are far worse things going on in this world than my self loathing and unfortunate shopping trips. I realize that whining because I think I'm fat is absurd when I have only been dieting for three weeks and have yet to join the gym. Of course, I apologized to my Matt and he acted like he didn't know what for. He has the patience of a saint. Honestly and truthfully (not just because I love him) I have never met anyone with more patience and kindness. I'm the luckiest woman alive. I hope he will always show me more grace than I deserve, and I hope God helps me give him the grace he deserves more than anything.  Even more I hope I become less crazy and more excepting of myself and, more importantly, a better wife. I'm guessing it takes more than one year of marriage to master it. :) 


  1. I can so relate to this post...know you are not alone! ;) You are beautiful and I am sure you looked great in many of them...we sometimes are the hardest critics on ourselves. I love to shop Kohls for great clothes and Macys. It is great to have such a great husband that understands you...I have been blessed with one too...even when I go crazy. lol Enjoy your week ahead!!


  2. Reminds of the the one and only day I walked into a Hollister. I honestly think their clothes are made for dolls. Also, I hate it when I gain weight and realize that I can't fit into my clothes. I find myself wearing sweats because buying new jeans depresses me. Good choice with Macy's and Target!:)

  3. Bless your heart, I know how you feel! You are so stinkin cute and I bet you looked great in everything you tried on. I also refuse to buy anything from Anthro.. WAY overpriced. I do love to get inspiration from their website though. When I have days like this I usually try again in a week and find all kinds of goodies. Enjoy the rest of your weekend! ~andrea

  4. Oh girl we could so shop together...really! I know just how you feel. I am on the short end of the stick. I'm 5' nothing and have a big booty...makes shopping no fun..let me tell ya! I'm feeling ya friend~

  5. I loathe shopping. I too have a pretty sweet husband and I get super frustrated when I shop with others so I shop alone. I love shopping alone! I love target though. There totally needs to be an "Old Navy is to Gap" type of store for Anthropologie because ummmm.. way to expensive. And I must confess the longer you are married and of course if you have kids - you'll find yourself only caring that your kids are taken care of and you are wearing the the same ole thing from spring to spring :) Happy Shopping lovey.

  6. Oh Ashley I hear ya. I've had so many experiences like this one, and I'm prone to panic attacks too. So I can relate. Glad you at least found a couple of things. Don't be too hard on yourself. It takes several weeks before sizes change and people take notice. Keep it up girl:)

  7. As a runner, vegetarian, and constant critic of my body-- I totally know how you feel. I love elastic and cotton :)

  8. You are so funny and so beautiful!! I really miss shopping with you and would love to go with you anytime you want! We can go shopping all day long and Matt can stay home and play Xbox... lol
    Love you,

  9. Your beautiful, and I feel your pain.. THIS post made me laugh and nod.... all of it in major understanding... I love forever 21 stuff... but feel the same, to old to go there... also there clothes run like an anorexic size. I was a 4 when I wed and now a loose 14 I have 20 lbs to go. I love GAP JEANS... n recently found some cute skinny jeans at Ross that are Calvin Kleins that fit great, with my hips and juicy butt... HA! Its funny how love/marriage and being comfortable makes us gain weight. YOU will get where you want to be... hang in there. WHAT A SWEET HUBS TOO. Thanks for entering my giveaway too. Have a good night, Jenn

  10. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post!!! and i think EVERY woman has been right there! and you ARE married to a saint! (and you are TOO cute!)
    Happy Monday!
    Many Blessings!

  11. Yes! I love this post. I know how you feel. You are lucky to have that sweet husband of yours. I lost 10lbs and I know now I will never loose all the weight and I don't care. I've embraced my inner beauty. Ha! :) ~Hugs~ xoxo

  12. Oh you poor thing! I think our husbands were seperated at birth! Mr. Treasures is a saint as well. Unfortunately I don't think we ever outgrow our "lunatic-ness" Or at least I haven't. Mr. Treasures has stuck with me for over 13 years! The only thing that has changed is he's now able to tell me "you know how crazy your are right?" along with all the things he says to cheer me up! ;)

  13. Ashley I had to smile when I read this post....not at your frustration, but at the fact that our husbands must have been cut from the same cloth. Hang on to him....they are hard to find!

    As for your shopping fiasco....I can soooo relate. I hate to shop and end up destroying most of my clothes with paint and projects! So, I echo what Cathy wrote....I love cotton and elastic.

  14. First off, you are such a beautiful girl, but I totally feel your pain! I have shopping for pants, short, skirts, I just have such insecurity in that area. I too, am striving to lose some lb's and it's hard when you have these days. Thank God that God has graced husband's deal with these days :)

  15. Ok, I read this yesterday and meant to comment, so better late than never!
    1st off, you are gorgeous and I'm not just saying that. Your skin is glowing. I understand your pain about shopping and not fitting into anything. It can be very depressing.
    Before my mother died in 2002 I was a size 6/8! Lets just say today I am far from it and I'm ok with that! I think I used food as my comfort for so long. Now I don't want you to think I am the size of a bus, I'm not. I wear a large or xl shirt and size 16 pants. I have huge girlfriends that make it hard for me to wear certain shirts and all my "real girlfriends" like to point them out to me, as if I didn't know they were there, lol!

    I am called 1funkywoman because I love to dress funky. I have red hair (use to be blond) and I love doing different things. I love jewelry, scarves, lipgloss, hats and I never wear shorts, so I cuff my jeans and put vintage pins on them. I also carry large purses and change them all the time. I love who I am inside and know that someday maybe I'll get back down but for now I've embraced it. Size is just a number, its how you let others see you! I know you are as beautiful inside as you are on the outside.

    Your husband sounds amazing and loves you for you! What a keeper! Oh, how I wish we could go shopping together, we would have fun!

    Hugs to you,